Cometh the Tax Man

Yay! Give it up for Tax Day! Show some love, already, for the IRS!
I was prepared, this morning, for just an average Wednesday. Big teaching day. Lovely warmer weather. But otherwise nothing special.
Then, my local Fox News affiliate reminded me that today is Tax Day and I should be feeling outraged! Angry!! Mad as hell!!! I should be bent over my sign marker, breathing deep as I scribble out tax protest signs for the big rally.
To them I say: Tsk, tsk. How negative. Don't you realize I'm an optimist now? Instead of raging against injustice and stupidity of government, as I have done for the past eight years, my new strategy is to find the good in a bad situation. And then make fun of it. In the words of the Joker, "Why so serious?"
(Full disclosure: We lost our second dependent claim when our middle son graduated from KU last spring. So, for the first time in years we had to write a check to Uncle Sam. $75. Am I happy about this? I think you know the answer.)
Instead of letting my bitterness eat away at my liver, though, I'm taking the positive way this year. Hey, there's a party and I've been invited! So here, ladies and gentlemen, are five reasons I'm grateful on Tax Day.

First of all, I'm grateful to be living in a country that allows a Tax Day. Having us all pay taxes on the same day--and only that one day--each year focuses the anger and makes it easy to get a platform for a protest. If the US really wanted to go all Totalitarian on us the government would fix it so we paid in a staggered system by last name or birthday. Like we do our car tags. Those businesses that pay quarterly...you never see them out on the streets with signs.
Yet our government does not do this. It values free speech. So come on patriots! Instead of being out there burning the flag, you should be on your knees in gratitude that such protests are allowed.
(Uh oh. Did I say burning the flag? Well I'm sure that's wrong. I'm sure no one is burning any flags.)
I like the idea of a single tax paying day so much that I wish everything was set up this way. Why don't we have a national utility bill day? Or maybe a national rent paying day? A bank ATM fee paying day? I would love to see some discussions of these expenses on national TV.

2. Every fun list should have one serious reason. So here it is: Taxes make it possible for my mom to live on her own. Because of a disability, she's never been able to work at much more than a menial job most of her life. As such, she is qualified for a subsidized apartment. My grandparents worked and saved for years to leave her money to live on but it still wouldn't be enough without the government subsidy.
Why should you help pay for my mother's apartment, you ask? Answer: Because I'm helping pay for whatever your relatives might be getting.

3.Taxes keep our house from burning down. True! I'm not talking about taxes that pay the fire department. I mean fire prevention. If I didn't have to keep various slips of paper in order for Tax Day, they'd be strewn all over the place and it would only be a matter of time.

4.Having a Tax Day is cute. And it's a pleasant diversion from the other things going on. It brings a lot of television stations' resources to the outside of the post office and other federal buildings, usually until midnight. So we spend our viewing time thinking about an event that comes, predictably, on the same day each year. Like Valentine's Day. In this way, we are spared from more tiresome news items, such as unemployment, corporate cheats, health care crises and the president's dog.

5. And finally, who wouldn't love a day that has inspired so much music? I'm ending this list with a few samples from YouTube. First, a couple of grassroots, from-the-ground-up entries about the Tea Parties:









Country music not your thing? How about some rap?



Here's one that originated in a law school. If nothing else, you'll learn what Section 61 is for.


And finally, my favorite, about a poured drink tax in Allegheny County, Pa.