I don't do New Year's resolutions. Well, not usually. The only one in memory is from around 1999 and I remember it primarily because it was successful. Resolved: I will wear more earrings. And it worked! I did wear more earrings. It was such a success that I've been reluctant to try and top it.

I offer this as a way of explaining why a non-believer in resolutions is starting a blog that is, in essence, the account of one big New Year's resolution. It is the story of my attempt to become an optimist.

If I've convinced a few of my friends to check out this blog, they will no doubt be right now guffawing. Because for most of my life I have been the hard-core opposite of an optimist (how nice those two words look together.) In my marriage, I'm known as Ms. Glass Half Empty while my husband is--you guessed it--Mr. Glass Half Full. He's the one taking risks on hopes of a better tomorrow. I'm the one saving money for the coming apocalypse.

This was our MO through the 80s, when we were young and starting jobs and a family, through the 90s, when we were buying our first house and through the early years of this millennium. During all those years, things went pretty well for us. We didn't get too far in debt (well, a little, though) and we managed to put two of our three kids through college. It was a nice balance.

Now, though. Well, I guess most of the people reading this are in about the same place, so I'll spare you the tales of unreplaced chairs in the living room and doctor's checkups skipped. Suffice it to say, the times require more than one optimist per family. It's just too big a job. That's the unselfish reason for my resolution.

The selfish reason is cancer.
I expect to get cancer one day, just as everyone of my generation will. Don't even argue with me here. We've all breathed the air and drank the water, eaten the factory food and walked outside in the sun. We're all getting cancer, like it or not. I have only just reached the age when it becomes not only possible but probable, judging by the number of screenings recommended by health care professionals. And if--when--I get it, research has shown I will not survive because I am not enough of an optimist.

You don't have to believe me. Do your own Google search. Type in the words "effects of optimism on physical health" and see how many studies there are. Just about every time you turn around someone's talking about how a positive attitude is crucial to beating cancer--how someone seemed beyond help but pulled back miraculously because of their unwavering optimism.

So I know right off the bat that I'm doomed. Might as well skip the screenings, because once one of them comes back positive, I am a goner.

Okay then, maybe it's time to do something. Having come from the world of newspapers and music, I don't really know how to make myself into an optimist, but I'm willing to try. In future posts, I'll be trying to find out what an optimist really is and perhaps doing some book reviews. In the meantime, though, here's my very first day:

Jan. 20, 2009.
It seems like as good a day as any to start. As with most New Year's resolutions, I'm late getting started. Then there was the whole "learning how to set up a blog" thing. But the day Barack Obama is sworn in as president seems like a good way to start my life as an optimist.

I started the day by putting on makeup for the first time in months (and earrings!). Though it's still a pain, it felt kind of good. So good start, anyway.
I watched most of the ceremony on television as it happened (being a piano teacher has its advantages). I don't mind admitting that I got choked up a bit at the idea of a black man taking the oath of office where formerly slaves labored. And Aretha's performance was gorgeous. Maybe things will get better.

How's the stock market, BTW? Oh. Damn. Down 332 points.

Here comes Obama for the oath of office. And here--I kid you not--at just the very moment he's being sworn in, the phone rings. It's the garage. Our car repairs will cost $450.

When I had finished weeping, I wondered: How did that guy know? How did he know today is my first day being an optimist? And why, why did he feel the need to offer the first test?

So let's take a whack at it. All right. It will be a serious setback since we've exhausted just about all our savings (remember the recession post 9/11? That was just as my oldest started college. Coincidentally, the state school he attended started increasing tuition by double digits each year right about that time.) But, on the plus side, it will save us gasoline, since the spark plug problem was causing it to use gas inefficiently. Except the current recession has caused a huge decrease in gas prices. We'll be glad for this if gas prices go back up to $4 a gallon. So...Yay high gas prices!
Yay, inflation!

Clearly I have some things to learn about optimism. (And blogging for that matter). More later

....roxie