Take your Daughter or Son to Work Day is over. Irene is back at school. We did so much goofing around that I never really had the chance to do that heart-to-heart with her about the world of work.
It's been a couple of decades since I made my decision to leave full-time office employment to stay home with the kids. And because Irene is my youngest and she will be on her own in only a few short years, I've been doing a lot of looking back.
There were a lot of complicated reasons I stopped working at my newspaper in the 1980s. Far fewer women worked outside the home before the recession of the early '80s. As the recession drove more into jobs, though, some writers began to talk of daycare and working mothers as a huge national experiment on our children. That swayed me. Partly, I could agree to their point that yes, feminists (and I consider myself one) had gone too far in demeaning the stay-at-home mom.
Now, all these years later, my feelings are mixed. I want Irene to have a happy and fulfilling life. Yet the employment and child care options are not that different than they were 25 years ago.
So in the spirit of optimism, here is my advice to her:
1.Work only for yourself. I know this goes contrary to what everyone teaches in school and Sunday school. And honestly, it's okay if you talk a good game about being compassionate and working for the team. But at your core level, be in it for yourself. Take your experiences and use them to your advantage. Always be on the make for the better opportunity.
2.Your workplace is not your family. I grew up watching sappy TV shows like Mary Tyler Moore. You'll do far better with The Office. (Check out the British version sometime.) This is important. You may really really like the people, but never forget that it's just business.
3.Sisterhood is a myth. Back when I was in school, there was a lot of talk about how much better the workplace would be if more women were in it. Theoretically, women would support each other and push each other forward. That hasn't panned out. In fact, just the opposite. Sadly, women are some of their own harshest critics. And men still don't respect us because we haven't shown the gender loyalty necessary to play on our own team. Expect to suffer some of the most egregious work fouls at the hands of a female colleague.
4.Do the thing you love...but only if it's possible to make good money. If you can't make good money, then consider doing the thing you love as a hobby. Because if it doesn't pay well, that's a sign that society doesn't value it. Hence, you will become bitter because you don't feel your efforts are appreciated. Maybe not the first few years. But eventually.
5.You'll be a cliche whatever you do, so choose the cliche you like best. If you're lucky enough to have kids and a job, you'll have a big decision to make. If you stay home, people will assume you're backwoods and uneducated (in good times) or over privileged and perfectionist (in hard times). If you work, you'll be an unbearable Type A momzilla (white collar job) or a neglectful and possibly dysfunctional drone who doesn't even feed the kids breakfast (blue collar or pink collar.) One thing for sure, you won't get the benefit of the doubt.
The best thing you can do is choose your persona and then work it, baby!
6.And, given everything, I think you're better off working. Yes, you can benefit your kids by staying home. You may get along just fine for years. But if some huge economic shock comes, your family will be financially exposed and you'll be blaming yourself. It will be unbearable, take it from me.
Wow. This sounds kind of like I'm entering my depressive phase. While I'm checking my meds, here are two items to end on a happier note:
Wizards win over NY Red Bulls, 1-0. Wooo--hoo! Go Wizards!
Yet another happy faced bug in Hawaii. Here's a story from the Telegraph.
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