Three days

Okay. I'll bite. Why is it that Kansas City is now considered the most positive city on the planet?
Yes. This planet. Earth.
The half-time of the most recent Sporting KC match was devoted to this bit of shocking news.
Normally, I don't pay much attention to what comes on the big screen during half-time breaks. This is my time for puling about the bad calls, drinking beer and just generally saving energy for the next 45-minute bout of standing and screaming. But this caught my attention because it started out just like one of those fake commercials they do on Saturday Night Live. Here, have a listen:




I won't lie. That video was terrifying. It starts with the menacing, almost sarcastic way the voice-over says, "You won," and continues through several horror-filled minutes while happy pod people and their families play and enjoy outdoor activities. When it was over, I felt my mouth go dry. Had some indescribable thing happened to my brain from watching this? Could I expect to get an anonymous call ala "The Ring" announcing I had but three days before I, too, would become insanely positive?
"Believe it. You're number one on the planet." While we were all so ecstatic about our good fortune to be living in Kansas City, a secret vote was being taken. "It's possible you didn't even know that a vote had taken place," the announcer said in gentle mockery.
Who are these shadowy forces that talk about us behind closed doors?
The United Nations NGO Positive Peace Awards, apparently. From what I gather on the Internet, the NGOs (Non-governmental organizations) voted on this at some point. NGOs would include groups like Rotary, Sister Cities, etc. Although the award bears the United Nations name, it's not mentioned on the UN home page. (To be fair, you could spend hours wading through the UN site trying to find it).
Judging criteria were also a bit of a mystery. Most things point to a group called Celebrate Positive LLC, which is dedicated to that always-hard-to-pin-down-but-I'll-know-it-when-I-see-it positivity. This is a group led by Scott Pederson of Atlanta. And this group is focused on finding the warmest and fuzziest from other areas of entertainment and sports as well.
If I were a real media person, I would click on the media relations link at the bottom of that page. But I am only a blogger with not much time. So I'll be stuck with my own imagination on what separates Kansas City from the pack. Doesn't every city have families and cultures and "amazing events?" Okay, so maybe Las Vegas doesn't celebrate the small town values like we do, but I bet Minneapolis and Milwaukee do. And without the bilious hatred that northlanders, Kansas Citians, Kansas City Kansans and Johnson Countians exhibit at random moments.
But then I...ca...can't...ahhhhg
We're number one! We're number one! We're number one!
Save yourselves people. Erase that video.