First Stop: Wikipedia

Hey since this "blogging" stuff is all new and techno, then I really think the first place I look for my definition of an optimist has to be that fountain of internet knowledge, Wikipedia. More specifically, WikiHow.

It's a fairly long article, filled with the kinds of things I've been reading from the self help crowd for years. Steps 1 and 2 merge together nicely. "Let go of the assumption that the world is against you" is idea number one, and "look for the source of your pessimism" is number two. Well, that's easy enough. The source of my pessimism is that the world is against me. Moving on.

The past does not equal the future, and to paraphrase, don't see yourself as a victim. These seem easy and sensible enough. Sometimes good things happen. Yeah, I get that. And although, as a poster adult for the shrinking middle class I have been a victim many, many times, it never helps much to dwell on it. So ok.

"Accept pain, etc. as a part of life but not the entirety." Well, here I run into a little trouble. All the negative stuff just seems to leave so much of a bigger impression. For instance, I can still recall every detail of the time the guy dove into a parking space at the swimming pool ahead of me, then got out of his car and called me a bitch in front of my kids--all because I honked at him.
The doctor who was snarky to me about my daughter's health problem still makes me boiling angry, even five years later. Why is it the one person who cuts me off in traffic has the power to destroy my mood, no matter how perfectly the rest of the day has gone? The person who practiced that random act of kindness, on the other hand, doesn't carry the same weight.

And then we come to point number 6, "Be thankful." The key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse..." Useless (see previous post).

Okay, mostly this seems like good advice. But what's this practical advice under "tips?"

Look happy. Put on a smile, even if you don't feel it. Because positive facial expressions can affect how you feel.

Ok. I'll try it. More about the outcome in future posts.

The rules

First off, I will never take the "It-could-always-be-worse" way out. It's cheap and it's meaningless and it does no good whatsoever.

Yes, I know things could always be worse and I should count my blessings. Obviously. There's always some poor schmo who's suffered a lot more than me. But how, exactly, does thinking about him make me more of an optimist? It doesn't. In fact, it makes me feel worse about myself, because I'm using someone else's suffering to make myself feel better. Try this on: "There are guys getting frostbite from sleeping under the bridge because they have no homes. Ahh. I feel all better now."

I suspect, when I hear this advice from someone, that what they are really saying is, "Just shut up. Your perceived hardships are boring me and besides, I have it much, much worse than you."

And that brings me to the other prominent advice, which is "just stop whining. Don't complain."

This another thing I will not do. Not because it sounds like a bad idea, but because I may just be physically unable. I started life as a journalist, having reached adolescence just as the hippie era peaked. Whining is in my blood. You might as well ask me to change my DNA. Besides, how can you ever correct a problem if you're forbidden to speak of it?

Instead, my plan will be to look at my own daily life and try to find some way to reset my thinking so that I can get out of bed in the morning. I will try to find the pony in the manure, the lemonade in the lemons, the...did I mention I also have a rule against cliches?

It promises to be a slow process. But first I have to figure out just what an optimist really is. For that, I'll consult some experts.

I don't do New Year's resolutions. Well, not usually. The only one in memory is from around 1999 and I remember it primarily because it was successful. Resolved: I will wear more earrings. And it worked! I did wear more earrings. It was such a success that I've been reluctant to try and top it.

I offer this as a way of explaining why a non-believer in resolutions is starting a blog that is, in essence, the account of one big New Year's resolution. It is the story of my attempt to become an optimist.

If I've convinced a few of my friends to check out this blog, they will no doubt be right now guffawing. Because for most of my life I have been the hard-core opposite of an optimist (how nice those two words look together.) In my marriage, I'm known as Ms. Glass Half Empty while my husband is--you guessed it--Mr. Glass Half Full. He's the one taking risks on hopes of a better tomorrow. I'm the one saving money for the coming apocalypse.

This was our MO through the 80s, when we were young and starting jobs and a family, through the 90s, when we were buying our first house and through the early years of this millennium. During all those years, things went pretty well for us. We didn't get too far in debt (well, a little, though) and we managed to put two of our three kids through college. It was a nice balance.

Now, though. Well, I guess most of the people reading this are in about the same place, so I'll spare you the tales of unreplaced chairs in the living room and doctor's checkups skipped. Suffice it to say, the times require more than one optimist per family. It's just too big a job. That's the unselfish reason for my resolution.

The selfish reason is cancer.
I expect to get cancer one day, just as everyone of my generation will. Don't even argue with me here. We've all breathed the air and drank the water, eaten the factory food and walked outside in the sun. We're all getting cancer, like it or not. I have only just reached the age when it becomes not only possible but probable, judging by the number of screenings recommended by health care professionals. And if--when--I get it, research has shown I will not survive because I am not enough of an optimist.

You don't have to believe me. Do your own Google search. Type in the words "effects of optimism on physical health" and see how many studies there are. Just about every time you turn around someone's talking about how a positive attitude is crucial to beating cancer--how someone seemed beyond help but pulled back miraculously because of their unwavering optimism.

So I know right off the bat that I'm doomed. Might as well skip the screenings, because once one of them comes back positive, I am a goner.

Okay then, maybe it's time to do something. Having come from the world of newspapers and music, I don't really know how to make myself into an optimist, but I'm willing to try. In future posts, I'll be trying to find out what an optimist really is and perhaps doing some book reviews. In the meantime, though, here's my very first day:

Jan. 20, 2009.
It seems like as good a day as any to start. As with most New Year's resolutions, I'm late getting started. Then there was the whole "learning how to set up a blog" thing. But the day Barack Obama is sworn in as president seems like a good way to start my life as an optimist.

I started the day by putting on makeup for the first time in months (and earrings!). Though it's still a pain, it felt kind of good. So good start, anyway.
I watched most of the ceremony on television as it happened (being a piano teacher has its advantages). I don't mind admitting that I got choked up a bit at the idea of a black man taking the oath of office where formerly slaves labored. And Aretha's performance was gorgeous. Maybe things will get better.

How's the stock market, BTW? Oh. Damn. Down 332 points.

Here comes Obama for the oath of office. And here--I kid you not--at just the very moment he's being sworn in, the phone rings. It's the garage. Our car repairs will cost $450.

When I had finished weeping, I wondered: How did that guy know? How did he know today is my first day being an optimist? And why, why did he feel the need to offer the first test?

So let's take a whack at it. All right. It will be a serious setback since we've exhausted just about all our savings (remember the recession post 9/11? That was just as my oldest started college. Coincidentally, the state school he attended started increasing tuition by double digits each year right about that time.) But, on the plus side, it will save us gasoline, since the spark plug problem was causing it to use gas inefficiently. Except the current recession has caused a huge decrease in gas prices. We'll be glad for this if gas prices go back up to $4 a gallon. So...Yay high gas prices!
Yay, inflation!

Clearly I have some things to learn about optimism. (And blogging for that matter). More later

....roxie